I know you all thought the blog was dead (I did too), but guess what... IT'S NOT! (Obviously, because this is a new post.)
So here is what happened... It was very traumatic really, the blog went into an induced coma after I decided to give up online dating. Luckily it was not DNR, so when eHarmony offered me a marketing scheme that I was not able to pass up, we were able to resuscitate the blog. Don't worry, the blog and I are attending couples' therapy and hopefully will be able to work together for a long time. (Well not too long because I hope to be able to dump the blog as soon as I find some guy to marry, but shh, don't tell the blog.)
ANYWAY
I think we're waaaaay overdue for a post, don't you?
Let's begin with the guy I went on a date with last week, we'll call him Mr. Veggie Cat. I met Mr. Veggie Cat recently on eHarmony
[eHarmony back story - eHarmony sent me an email with an offer of 3 months for $9.99 a month PLUS one month free. I did the math and that is about $7.50 a month. You know you would join too, I mean come on.]
Back to Mr. Veggie Cat... So ok, from the get-go I knew that he didn't seem *the* most attractive guy, but you can never really tell from pictures, right? Right??? :-/
So we meet up and first off I was not into the goatee. Also, I would recommend flossing if he would like to keep his bottom teeth. Beyond those two things, he was of a decent height and didn't smell bad, but by then I pretty much knew there wouldn't be more than a friendly awkward hug at the end of the date.
So we grab a table and order a beer and the first thing he brings up is the weather. While some people I know might consider discussing weather the "armpit of conversation," I really don't mind it. In fact, I find weather to be interesting and also a good filler for awkward pauses. (After writing that sentence, I have become slightly paranoid that I am that friend that talks about the weather too much and my other friends talk about how I only ever talk about the weather behind my back...) The weather that day was HOT. The sun seemed to have a vendetta against all pale-skinned, sweat-prone people, and Veggie Cat just happened to be one of them. I knew this because he told me in detail how sweaty he was. Immediately I wanted to reach across and pull him by his sweaty button down over the table and engage in a passionate, never-ending kiss, but somehow I was able to gain some self-control.
After we discussed his schvitzing, we moved on to the topic of his vegetarianism. Look, I don't care if someone eats meat, vegetables, glue, what-have-you, but I don't need to hear your entire argument about meat factories, chicken farms, etc. I have read The Jungle, I just watched Food, Inc., I STILL want to eat a medium-rare steak. Normally I would complain that we didn't get anything to eat, but I had lost my appetite (and for those of you who know me well, that is near-impossible, IMPOSSIBLE!).
After we discussed processed meats, we moved on to puppy mills. Then we talked about his cat. The thing about cats is that you either love them or you hate them, and I hate them, except for this one:
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| Peek... |
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| A-boo!!!! |
So he was trying to convince me that I would just lovvvvvvve his cat, and if I came over some time, he would prove it to me. He would also show me his garden that he tends to...in his laundry room... I know you're thinking he just has a little windowsill garden, but he assured me that his friend had given him a pile of dirt and gardening tools, so he started a garden in his laundry room. I was pretty psyched to find someone that also shared my penchant for indoor gardening. I've been looking for someone to help me mulch the living room.
The date ended as I predicted - awkward hug/pat on the back type deal. He followed up with a very enthusiastic email suggesting a date to Taco Bell (I NEED to stop bragging about winning the Taco Bell eating contest at my old job while I am on dates.) Unfortunately I had to treat him to my "I'm not interested email," and bid him adieu.
Until next time (and there will be a next time because I already have another story),
-K
